Sex Machine Museum? Huh?

Hellooooo ladies and gents! Robert from moolta checking in again to show you some other crazy things I ran into on my trip. While this one won’t be a story like the “Amster-dam good dares” post, I promise you it’s just as crazy.  Today my friends, you will get the inside scoop on the Prague Sex Machine Museum… prepare yourself.

Painful Piercings

Ouch!?!? I don’t care who you are, what gender you are, what kind of freak you are… that shit hurts. MOOLTA DARES YOU TO IMITATE ANY OF THESE!

I only had a few hours to kill in Prague before my flight home so I walked over to a Starbucks to get some free wifi and I ran into this little gem of a museum. I pretty much had to dare myself to go in. Not going to lie, the only thing creepier than all of the sex toys were the people inside (I hope people didn’t see me the same way).

I will now take you through a brief, visual history of sex machines. I dare you to make it all the way through without laughing.

Here we have one of the first ever sex toys… looks like a broom on a box to me (people back then had great imaginations)

Broom Box

I think the rest of Pinocchio’s head is trapped inside the box.

As technology improved throughout the years, toys seemingly got better. (By the way, each of the toys below was available for purchase, however, they only sold secondhand toys)

Women's Toys

Maybe my imagination just isn’t up to par, but I feel like women would not enjoy these.

These next ones actually made me crack up. Turns out guys got jealous of all the female toys years later…

Men's Sex Toys

HAHAHHahahaHahHAHHahahhHahAHHAHHahAhAHahhhAHHhHHhaHHHHHHHhaaaaaa!!!!!!! That’s about all I can say for this one.

And finally, people ran out of ideas… Today there’s some crazy shit. I dare any of you to get strapped in…

The Squeal Wheel

I call this one the Squeal Wheel… Is anybody else as interested as I am in finding out how this thing works? No?

If you made it this far you’re a real trooper… I salute you and the fact that you completed the dare. You came in so innocent and naive and now you leave changed, scarred for life. Sorry I’m not sorry. Until next time, Moolta Men and Women alike, be daring, be crazy.

181 thoughts on “Sex Machine Museum? Huh?

  1. Huahuahuahuahua That’s just the light stuff. I’ve seen worse. The box thing I’ve seen two otrher versions of it: one from acient Egypt and another from mid ages that was powered by steam. One of the first used to steam engines was to power up a dildo – Oh Human Ingenuity.

    I sure hope the second gear is for collection only – is that a baby hand?

    We never ran out of ideas. I’ve seent this man and woman accessory that has a phone app. One goes on the man junk and every time the junk jumps, the other on woman vibrates… that way couples know what the other is feeling huahuahauh. Not to mention a wider range of creepy stuff that I’ll leave to your imagination.

  2. Reblogged this on Erotic Quest and commented:
    CRAZY SEX TOYS in museum? I’ve always wanted to go to Prague — and even more so now!! 😀
    But, in truth, those sex toys are pretty low-key compared to what we use in making erotic films nowadays – since the insatiable audience demands more and more outrageous stuff…
    You should see some of the crazy sex machines that I’ve been impaled on, including anally! 😛

  3. There is a sex toy called the Squeal Wheel, it’s a series of tongues that rotate around like a windmill for female ‘oral’.
    Love the mens sex toys, I think they have drastically gone down hill since. It’s the extra addition of the hands in them that makes me laugh, and is one for tit fucking?! Brilliant!

  4. There used to be a great Sex Museum in Zurich but the Swiss authorities lack any sense of humour, so the police shut it down. 😦
    Although I never saw it, I fee it was a sad day as it deprived Switzerland as one of its few public laughs.

  5. There are already sex museums! In another museum I saw chastity belt, as well as protections against self-gratification of boys because they are mentally ill or else!

  6. Pingback: Sex Machine Museum? Huh? | ThisPirateGirlsLife

  7. Hahaha! 😀 The most hilarious & horrible line from this post; “they only sold secondhand toys”. It’s at times like this when I wish I didn’t have an active imagination or a good memory for random facts.

  8. Aww, man, I was in Prague. Why didn’t see this? Life just isn’t fair.
    On a side note, they also have a Museum of Torture, it’s small but I love Prague, so…

  9. I walked past this place when I was in Prague…didn’t have the guts to go in though…but I did see some weird medieval metal dildo mounted on something that looked like a saddle at the entrance. I remember thinking…”ouch”, and then I walked on by. LOL I love you went in and then shared its contents for the rest of us.

  10. Considering Frank Zappa’s immense popularity in Prague and the rest of the Czech Republic (In 1990 Vaclav Havel appointed Frank as “Special Ambassador to the West on Trade, Culture and Tourism”) I think he would have enjoyed this museum, considering the lyrics from several of his songs, like “Packard Goose.”

    To wit:
    But as for the sucker who will write the review
    If his mind is prehensile
    He’ll put down his pencil
    And have himself a squat
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    Give it all you got
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    Sit ‘n spin until you rot
    On the Cosmic Utensil
    He really needs to squat
    On the Cosmic Utensil

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