Sex Machine Museum? Huh?

Hellooooo ladies and gents! Robert from moolta checking in again to show you some other crazy things I ran into on my trip. While this one won’t be a story like the “Amster-dam good dares” post, I promise you it’s just as crazy.  Today my friends, you will get the inside scoop on the Prague Sex Machine Museum… prepare yourself.

Painful Piercings

Ouch!?!? I don’t care who you are, what gender you are, what kind of freak you are… that shit hurts. MOOLTA DARES YOU TO IMITATE ANY OF THESE!

I only had a few hours to kill in Prague before my flight home so I walked over to a Starbucks to get some free wifi and I ran into this little gem of a museum. I pretty much had to dare myself to go in. Not going to lie, the only thing creepier than all of the sex toys were the people inside (I hope people didn’t see me the same way).

I will now take you through a brief, visual history of sex machines. I dare you to make it all the way through without laughing.

Here we have one of the first ever sex toys… looks like a broom on a box to me (people back then had great imaginations)

Broom Box

I think the rest of Pinocchio’s head is trapped inside the box.

As technology improved throughout the years, toys seemingly got better. (By the way, each of the toys below was available for purchase, however, they only sold secondhand toys)

Women's Toys

Maybe my imagination just isn’t up to par, but I feel like women would not enjoy these.

These next ones actually made me crack up. Turns out guys got jealous of all the female toys years later…

Men's Sex Toys

HAHAHHahahaHahHAHHahahhHahAHHAHHahAhAHahhhAHHhHHhaHHHHHHHhaaaaaa!!!!!!! That’s about all I can say for this one.

And finally, people ran out of ideas… Today there’s some crazy shit. I dare any of you to get strapped in…

The Squeal Wheel

I call this one the Squeal Wheel… Is anybody else as interested as I am in finding out how this thing works? No?

If you made it this far you’re a real trooper… I salute you and the fact that you completed the dare. You came in so innocent and naive and now you leave changed, scarred for life. Sorry I’m not sorry. Until next time, Moolta Men and Women alike, be daring, be crazy.

181 thoughts on “Sex Machine Museum? Huh?

  1. Oh my–what an odd fun little museum! I think what is sticking in my mind the most is your comment that only “secondhand” toys are sold–not sure I want a used one?! I did chuckle (and wince) a lot through this–which made it really fun.

  2. Holy Moly!! How do I share this with friends. Oh my I am here busting up so much and blushing. I am dark so that doesn’t happen much. So funny …your stuff. I want to show my friends….Love it!!!

  3. I’ve seen quite a few of sex toys in my life. I ordered one “barrel man” which jets out water when opened; a sister brought home from Baguio city a souvenir just like my barrel man but made of polished wood and when opened displays a weapon like no other. A 3-year old neighbor came to visit us clutching a rubber sex toy; when asked if the toy was hers, she replied she got it in her unmarried auntie’s bedroom. Your blog is fun, interesting and educational.

  4. ahhh yeah have seen some of this stuff before first hand LOL…your comments however REALLY made me laugh! Love the second hand one and men’s toys lol…as to some of those errr large scary looking second hand toys I actually do know a few women who WOULD like those gah…not m
    e!!! ahahah

  5. Pingback: Sex Machine Museum? Huh? | Big Homo

  6. This was an interesting trip through the Sex Museum I kind of thought there would be more?! I almost went into the one in Amsterdam but could not with the group I was traveling with…..doesn’t seem like I missed too much. I admit I probably would have giggled the whole time and would have asked to touch everything…is that wrong? Oh and second hand toys? I would love to hear the logic behind that!

  7. Wow you are right about the first picture, it does look painful, I wonder how many would dare to do the real thing; even asking hurts^^.

    • In some of my circles of friends, I am the rare non-pierced, non-tattooed one. They do it because it hurts and they’ve got pain associated with sex and it becomes a pleasurable sensation. LOTS of people are pierced, tattooed, branded, and cut. And most of them like to show it off. lol

  8. Inflatable buns? Hilarious!

    Did you know that women went to the doctors office in the Victorian era for a little stimulation? How ancient is this practice? (according to wikipedia) Since ancient times women considered to be suffering from hysteria would sometimes undergo “pelvic massage” – manual stimulation of the genitals by the doctor until the patient experienced “hysterical paroxysm” (orgasm).[1]” I dare you to go to and not be laughing by the 2nd paragraph.

  9. I’m sure all other comments before mine have touched on this, but I just have to say… I don’t care WHO owned it first, I don’t want a second-hand toy! >.<
    floridaborn brought up a GREAT fact about the women going to the doctor for 'Hysteria', she didn't mention one thing that has weirded me out for awhile… the Dr. used wooden toys back then! Splinters! Yikes!
    Thank you for sharing, I'd love to see that place!

  10. I hope that wasn’t the entire museum! Seems to be lacking greatly if it was. I am quite surprised to see the reactions to this post by others. Really, not that surprising or blush worthy. Nice little post though, thank you for sharing! 🙂

  11. extremely cool stuff… allbeit a little painful looking. Saw a similar museum on an expedition to Amsterdam. Really interesting and also slightly unnerving. Your blog has a really easy and readable style that makes me laugh 😀

  12. Glad I took the tour because it really made my day! I had a friend (yeah, we’ve all heard that one before!) who wanted to buy a pocket pussy, but I, um, er, he never got around to it. On another note, I have a lead character who is a dominatrix in a novel I’m promoting and in the story she puts someone on the ‘Wheel of Pain’. I made it up, based on an old episode of ‘Batman’ with Adam West, so it is interesting to see a real one. Would I like to know how it works? You bet your ass I would! Prague here I come!

  13. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OUTRAGEOUS!!! I always wanted to go to Amsterdam , well now Colorado will do , but this is to much! Even for me! C’mon man you can tell me I won’t tell anybody. There was an interactive display in the museum you’re not telling us about right? huh?huh? 🙂

  14. reShort but funny post. I think I saw more of this on HBO’s
    “Real Sex “show a long time ago. But your comment about Pinnochio’s nose is funny. It’s interesting that you
    were there in person too.

  15. Hey Moolta, thaks for sharing your SEX-periences,(ha-ha-ha-) I wish I could put in my blog something like that, but my kind of expertise is a little bit different.

  16. One of my favorite topics to discuss with all my friends is this one -we’re freaks like that lol- so I am definately showing most of them this blog because I just know its gonna bring big ass smiles to their perverted faces hahahahah 😉

  17. when i was in prague a coupla yrs ago, i couldn’t convince my 3 travel compainions (read: husband, bro & sisinlaw) to go in…so, thanks to you have seen it…sorry, to shocked people, but, i thought it fascinating..i don’t put anything past ‘humans’…was a nurse x20yrs :):)..we DID see the torture musem tho :):)…every scarier! 🙂

  18. Lol ….. the things you learn while travelling huh? At least it wasn’t one of the newer interactive, hands-on museums 🙂

  19. thanks for a great laugh – if you think those are bad, you should go check out some online sex toy shops – it’s rather intimidating, to say the least!!! 😉
    great blog BTW 😀

    • I’m glad u like my very beginners blog!! At my age we don’t get too intimated…what could happen..?.. I’m not into pain..those things aren’t coming home with…now if it makes ya feel good? We could talk!! LoL..hagnite!

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